This is What I Did by Ann Dee Ellis

This is What I Did. Ann Dee Ellis. Little, Brown and Company, c2007. 157 pages.

Plot: Ann Dee Ellis’ This is What I Did is narrated by thirteen-year-old eight grader Logan Paloney. Logan is struggling to move past a violent encounter he witnessed between his friend Zyler, Zyler’s abusive father, and a girl named Cami the previous year. Though Logan’s family moved Logan and his younger twin brothers across town after the incident and enrolled Logan in a new middle school, Logan’s life hasn’t gotten any easier. His new classmates (and even one classmate’s father) bully him terribly. However, Logan begins to see a counselor and begins a friendship with a girl named Laurel and is eventually able to confront his feelings about what had happened.

Review/personal thoughts:
Ellis’ fragmented writing style and use of almost screenplay-style dialogue accurately portrays, I believe, the thought process of a young boy who has been through something traumatizing. A quick and engaging read, its honesty will appeal to tween readers.

Having done nothing to help his friend Zyler when he witnessed a violent encounter between Zyler, Zyler’s father, and Cami, Logan struggles with feelings of shame. He not only feels guilty because he feels he wasn’t a good friend to Zyler, but he also feels guilty because of the ways in which his family’s life has changed since the incident. When Logan’s parents take him out for a milkshake, leaving his twin brothers behind, he thinks: “I felt guilty they were taking me without the others, at first, but then I realized it made sense since everything was about me: Dr. Benson, me getting the best room, the playoff tickets, and now shakes” (Ellis, 2007, p.124).

Because Logan feels guilty that his parents are concerned about him, he constantly assures them that he is fine. He doesn’t trust that his family won’t judge him if he is honest about what had happened and the way it has affected him. He also doesn’t trust his new friend Laurel will still want to be his friend if she knows the truth about what happened. However, Logan eventually begins to open up and in the end even finds the courage to email Zyler, who he hasn’t spoken to since the incident.

Tweens will relate to Logan's difficulty overcoming his shame, and will benefit from his journey towards forgiveness—towards forgiving himself as well as Zyler.

Genre: contemporary realistic fiction

Reading level: ages 12-up

Awards:
Nominated for Quick Picks for Reluctant Readers
American Library Association - Best Books for Young Adults
Voice of Youth Advocates - 2007 Top Shelf Fiction for Middle School Readers List